am suffocating .

so recently I've got a job , at midvalley the gardens , working in nokia shop :) retail outlet .. been very tired lately due to my shifts and all , and then few days back I've got a new girl in the family once more , her name is LV :) pure cuteness . adorable much :) haha , anyways as usual argue w the boyf almost every single day for x know some crap reason . :( this is how it should be I supposed :(

working life ..

2nd day of work .. not that easy but not that hard as well .. my life is like living in misery everyday .. and every night , thinking that when things were fine but once I and him are home we start all over again , I'm bored of it not only you .. really I didn't do anything by accident I'm rushing to wash up and everything my phone is in my pocket not I dont wanna take it out and all .. couldn't you just be more understanding alittle sometimes really .. you bring your phone to toilet tell me you wanna play game and all fine , I didn't do anything that's the thing we just had a talked about trusting me , I guess that would never happen because after being w you eventho I changed but in your eyes I'm still the old me that's why you never trust me .. I'm just heart broken when I could do so but you can't ...

suffering in hell.

im tired , sick and tired of all te shits no joke ... feel fuckedup as much as anything , always a fucking small mistake will take you forever to calm down and forgive me .. and chill down , it's a small matter , nonsense matter need to be so piss like what you are now ? really seriously ? need to be this way ? look at your self la ... really .. I'm the one always okay forgive you easily , then me ? who's going I forgive me , GHOST ah? speechless la sometimes , fucking hurt you know you talk to me the tuning as if I'm like some fuckedup stranger to you ? wth? tears are rolling down inside my heart ... it's pain , soon to be more hurt and pain ... then broken I supposed ...

wondering , sighs ..

currently stoning in INC cyber cafe


wondering , whys my boyf angry at me when i did nothing wrong .. went for a smoke outside .. i knew i took too long when i was about to text him , saying am gonna smoke 2sticks he was already at the door ,guessing his thinking something else , maybe his thinking what am doing at that time ... sigh guys when their playing game in CC is the worst time to actually try and comfort him more , so i guess its x point also . i didnt even do anything wrong , asking him whats wrong or whats his problem or is he angry , he will tell me nothing and then x bother about me already ... so x point ba im just trying to fix thing but but but

he just WOULDNT CARE less about me !

sick of it . 

it hurts.

thinking of what happen today , couldn't be much less painful . my brain couldn't think what's going to happen sooner or later but I just hope and pray that it wouldn't , you don't know how worried I am to lose to her ? you just think you sweet talk me and tell me that everything's going to be alright and I'll be fine ? it's not going to happen , it's not how it works my dear ... I really just hope she would she vanish and wish she had never existed .

sometimes ...

there's so much that's been happening , I really wonder what should I do at times . to believe what I'm supposed to believe or lie to myself that everything's going to be alright ? when in fact it's not going to be alright . thinking how much I'll last with you , planning our future together , our holidays together ... but sometimes it makes me wonder , why does it end up to be this way ? I'm sick of tired that I'm trying so hard , I'm worried he'll just run back to her one day , waiting and hoping for that day to never some seriously I'll pray hard .

iloveyoudear icch <3 you know I've always do ;) now & forever ;)

the past is past , but ...

sometimes i just wonder .

its been 2months plus we've been thru this journey . sometimes i feel that i don't know you as well as how i felt knowing the first isaacchen . its like the guy i've once love and have feelings for is still there but i dont know alot about you. you always tell me i dont know alot about you , i do not know the truth about alot of stories behind your past . its because sometimes you dont make the effort to tell me the truth . eventho i know the truth hurts alots , but what can i do ? i love you and i have to accept your past . ive never said i didnt accept your past , i know its hard to take all in at once . but i really rather you tell me everything in one go , so that i can kill the pain all in one shot , better than you telling me things bit by bit and day by day . you're my everything and i couldnt bare to lose you once more . it hurts so much just to see you walk away , but i guess you dont know how that feels . because youre not me , i may look strong on the outside . but inside deep down im not , im never strong . but all i could do is to stay strong for you , because i promised you that i will and i must change for the better . you've given me alot in this 2months , memories , experience in a relationship that i never been thru before .

thinking how we went thru this whole process of every stage only we could be together , its really funny how it goes . im happy and glad i knew you , ive never regretted since the day ive met you , you gave me everything i could wish for , in a life time partner . i just hope you're real , and not putting up a show in front of me . i love just the way you are , you cant be describe by words . because no words could describe you . 

thanks for everything dear , ily .

you're my everything hubbyboy . woaini .